allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
