she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
