david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
