Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Still dying that you shit outside
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
