I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
