I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
