gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
