I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
