My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
