i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
