I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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