The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
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