hotel room ftw
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
