I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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