Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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