So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
