I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
