And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he was CRYING into my vagina
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
