Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
