She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
