I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Is it because I queefed?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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