watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
