Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
