i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
