Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
