I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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