One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
