just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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