i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
