Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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