Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I need to stop coming to work sober
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
What drink are we having for lunch?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
