Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
