you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
