I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
