Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
