i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
