we have pet lesbian snakes
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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