dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
This toilet bowl is my home.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
