I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
