I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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