Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
