I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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