Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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