those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Your cock deserves a montage
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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