I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
