Having a random hookup so left but love u
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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