somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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