Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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