i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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