So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
