have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
