My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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